"She Got Her Own"

"I love her 'cause she got her own

She don't need mine, so she leave mine alone

There ain't nothin' that's more sexy

Than a girl that want, but don't need me

Young independent, yeah, she work hard

But you can tell from the way that she walk

She don't slow down 'cause she ain't got time

To be complaining, shawty gon' shine

She don't expect nothin' from no guy

She plays aggressive, but she's still shy

But you never know her softer side

By lookin' in her eyes

Knowing she can do for herself

Makes me wanna give her my world

Only kinda girl I want

Independent queen workin' for her throne"

-Jamie Foxx ft. Ne-Yo

Now I know that as a man, we like to think that we need to be the rock, the support, AND the bank. The thing is that we CAN be the first two without being the third one. The key to this is for a male to understand his role in both a relationship (be it boyfriend or husband) as well as his role in a household.

So let's do some math, shall we:

Hair & Nails Done: $160
Gas in HER car: $35
Going out and shopping money: $200

Overdrawing your account to prove a point: Priceless + $35 NSF Fee

Guys, we all know we have damn near overdrawn our bank accounts to look like the "Balla" for our lady. Its not that we like being broke or anything but we like being able to DISPLAY our ability to support someone. We think its MANLY to always pay for dinner, always pay for the movie, always pay for EVERYTHING...and to be honest, some chicks like that [DISCLAIMER: If you are one of those girls, you can stop reading now]. But what I am seeing more and more in my short 23 years on this Earth is that women like having the ability to pay for things from time to time. I swear, if I had a nickel for every time I heard something like, "Man, can you believe Crystal tried to pull her purse out at dinner?" - I would be moderately well-off financially.

A friend of mine was reading the July 2009 issue of ESSENCE the other day and she was telling me that a guy (occupation: Photographer) said plainly that when African American women are the breadwinners in a relationship, they try to take charge of all the decisions that would usually be left up to a man (not quite sure what those are but I digress) and he in turn feels emasculated...so he doesn't bother dating a female who makes more than him. Interestingly enough, 85% of women surveyed said that they would date a man that makes less money. So what does all this mean?

Simply put: Some men find it easier to use their income as a reason to be a leader in their household. In a time when African American women are attending college at a higher rate than their male counterparts, it is natural to see that women will be making more money today than they were 30 years ago. As men, we need to understand that HER having HER OWN is not only necessary but inevitable. The fact of the matter is that you've found a GOOD woman when she can can think for herself, care for herself, AND support herself.

So Gentlemen...if you take nothing from this post, take this...Chivalry is not dead, it just evolved. For centuries, we've always thought that Chivalry and Equality could not co-exist but chivalry seems to be more alive today than ever. People everywhere are reevaluating the things that are important in their lives, and they're rediscovering the virtues that the code of chivalry stands for — hope, kindness, respect, integrity and courage. They are discovering that they can still be inspired by a hero, and, best of all, they're realizing that when chivalry and equality stand side-by-side.

("She Got Her Own" Pt. 2 coming soon! Ladies...its your turn)

"Invictus"

...So normally, I make my blog titles the names of songs but I'm going to break the re-write the rules and go with a poem on this one...

Invictus

OUT of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Invictus by William Ernest Henley

Now, some of you may be familiar with arguably William Ernest Henley's most popular work, Invictus. This poem was written as Henley lied on his death bed. I'm not sure if you could feel the conviction that he wrote in every word but the meaning of it resonates in my soul for many reasons. For one, William Ernest Henley was not a man who fell on hard times. He was not some rich guy who went broke or some star athlete who lost a step. "Out of the night that covers me, black as the pit from pole to pole. I thank whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul." He was born in 1849 and as a child battled tuberculosis.
Throughout his whole life he met obstacle after obstacle which came with no warning. Yet, in his darkest hour, this physically crippled man was thankful

"Under the fell clutch of circumstance, I have not wince nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance, my head is bloody but unbowed." Throughout his life, as despair turned to sorrow, and sorrow turned to misery, he understood that his situation(s) would not get better if he did not approach each day with the outlook that today is mine, there is no tomorrow. Can you imagine!? Some nerve! To live each day to the fullest!? Foolishness, of course. Surely I can finish that assignment tomorrow, surely that project update can be done tomorrow...or maybe more realistic...surely I can call my mom back tomorrow, surely I can send that thank you card tomorrow...surely I can say I love you tomorrow???

"Beyond this place of wrath of tears looms but the horror of the shade. And yet the menace of the years, finds and finds me unafraid." The key to life is to treat each day as its own day. In this world...this cruel world...we have seen in our short lives enough pain to fill a lifetime yet it is important that we do not become merely a product of our environment but instead become a catalyst to it. It is my job and your job to be nothing less than amazing...nothing shy of influential...everything except unafraid.

"It matters not how straight the gate, how charged with punishments the scroll. I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul." Has it become so rare to be extraordinary that we only see it on television and old books? Has it become common place to settle for what life is handing us instead of demanding what it has to offer? Is being bold and daring the new out of the norm?

I implore you to, everyday, strive for greatness in everything that you do. I'm sure I saw this on some bumper sticker or something but I think its kind of catchy. "To give anything less than 100% is to sacrifice the gift." Be it a sales rep, a marketing director, a police officer, a mother, a father, a son, a friend...do all that you can because in the end, that is all that will matter. I have always been a proponent to the concept that God makes people equally unequal because my talents may be your weaknesses and your talents may be my weaknesses but the ONE thing that we all have in common is our WILL. The intangible desire to succeed...to accomplish.

So with all that said, on your next day...better yet, from RIGHT NOW...take hold of the reigns of your life! As I close, I leave you with a line from one of my favorite poems..."If you can fill the unforgiving minute with 60 seconds worth of distance run, yours is the earth and all that is in it, and which is more you'll be a man my son." The poem "If" by Rudyard Kipling is full of statements that if you digest it (yes, digest), you will find is very applicable to some part of your life. What I gather the most from this poem, specifically that line, is that if we stop viewing life as one long minute but instead think of it as 60 individual seconds, your impact...our impact will be more lasting, more memorable, and most importantly...more fulfilling.

...Carpe Diem....

"Just Eat It"

I don't care if you're full

Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it

Open up your mouth and feed it

Have some more yogurt, have some more spam

It doesn't matter it its fresh or tanned

Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it

Don't you make me repeat it

Have a banana, have a whole bunch

It doesn't matter what you had for lunch

Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it

Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it

It has been 6 days since I started P90X and decided to give up some of the things that I love most in life: fried food, tequila, etc. i can't say that I feel great but I am down 4.5 lbs. since I weighed in around 6am Monday morning. This whole P90X thing is definitely extreme and the crazy part about it is, after every workout I say to myself, "Self...if you would have just stayed in shape, you wouldn't even need these stupid DVDs." But I did, as we all do, "let myself go". So what do we all say when we realize it? IT HAPPENED SO FAST, right? Well, the change may have been more gradual than we think...unfortunately some of us have the kind of friends that enable our bad habits ("Hey Harold, want go half on this large meat lover's pizza? If we order it now, it should be here by 1am.")...or we have the misfortune of ALWAYS being around FREE food. I have always been a strong supporter of the idea that FREE food TASTES better (disagree if you'd like).

So what have I done? Well, for starters, I've started eating breakfast and limiting when I eat. Those are important factors to proper weight control and balancing when I eat is actually giving me more energy during the day. Aside from that, I'm making better choices all around when deciding what I'll eat. The old Harold had panther like quickness, chiseled arms and legs, and washboard stomach (Now I have to use the Maytag to wash my clothes...I can still fold on the stomach though).

I'm making a comeback though...August 29th! That's the day...I'm counting down to it. The before and after pics will be up and I'll be giving some tips for making it through the first 30 (assuming I do). But I can't say that it's been absolutely terrible. I've learned a lot. I've learned:

• 16 minutes of ab work is more than enough



• Just warming up can be a good enough work out...seriously, try doing jumping jacks for 2 minutes!
  


• Breathing is VERY essential in Yoga

Lastly, I've learned that there are going to be lots of obstacles to finishing this 90 day work out (road trips, late nights, FREE food, etc.) but if I truly want to see the results and achieve my goal (to get down to SHS) then I'll have to stay on it...until next time folks...

"1st of tha Month"

For 23 and a half years (8,601 days to be exact), I have been trying to fulfill my purpose. It makes so much sense when you really think about it. My purpose is to LIVE! Think about it, there are many commonalities that we (the people) can not control...60 seconds will always be a minute, gas prices will continue to go up (and then go down right after you fill up), and "If it doesn't fit, you must acquit!"...

However, the unique experiences that I've had throughout life are mine and only mine, even when shared with someone else, our perspectives can easily allow us to see different things from the person standing next to us looking through the same window. So as YOU read this, I want you to know why I decided to take time out of my arguably busy schedule to tell the world of my travels, stories, and experiences. Honestly, I just felt like talking...If you know anything about me, you'd know that I truly enjoy the company of others. So this is just another way for me to (re)connect with friends and family from all over the world. If you want to keep up with how/what I'm doing and the crazy things that I've been through...FOLLOW MY BLOG!!!

Also, I want to make this as interactive as possible so if you ever want to know what my opinion is on something, shoot me an email about whatever the topic is (and your stance if you'd like) and I'll be sure to post something in a classic "What Really Grinds My Gears" fashion. So that's pretty much it for my first one. I'm new to this thing so feel free to critique...and for those of you who were wondering, today was DAY 1 of my newest life decision: P90X...it was a beast but I'm still pushin'. More to come later this week...