"She Got Her Own"

"I love her 'cause she got her own

She don't need mine, so she leave mine alone

There ain't nothin' that's more sexy

Than a girl that want, but don't need me

Young independent, yeah, she work hard

But you can tell from the way that she walk

She don't slow down 'cause she ain't got time

To be complaining, shawty gon' shine

She don't expect nothin' from no guy

She plays aggressive, but she's still shy

But you never know her softer side

By lookin' in her eyes

Knowing she can do for herself

Makes me wanna give her my world

Only kinda girl I want

Independent queen workin' for her throne"

-Jamie Foxx ft. Ne-Yo

Now I know that as a man, we like to think that we need to be the rock, the support, AND the bank. The thing is that we CAN be the first two without being the third one. The key to this is for a male to understand his role in both a relationship (be it boyfriend or husband) as well as his role in a household.

So let's do some math, shall we:

Hair & Nails Done: $160
Gas in HER car: $35
Going out and shopping money: $200

Overdrawing your account to prove a point: Priceless + $35 NSF Fee

Guys, we all know we have damn near overdrawn our bank accounts to look like the "Balla" for our lady. Its not that we like being broke or anything but we like being able to DISPLAY our ability to support someone. We think its MANLY to always pay for dinner, always pay for the movie, always pay for EVERYTHING...and to be honest, some chicks like that [DISCLAIMER: If you are one of those girls, you can stop reading now]. But what I am seeing more and more in my short 23 years on this Earth is that women like having the ability to pay for things from time to time. I swear, if I had a nickel for every time I heard something like, "Man, can you believe Crystal tried to pull her purse out at dinner?" - I would be moderately well-off financially.

A friend of mine was reading the July 2009 issue of ESSENCE the other day and she was telling me that a guy (occupation: Photographer) said plainly that when African American women are the breadwinners in a relationship, they try to take charge of all the decisions that would usually be left up to a man (not quite sure what those are but I digress) and he in turn feels emasculated...so he doesn't bother dating a female who makes more than him. Interestingly enough, 85% of women surveyed said that they would date a man that makes less money. So what does all this mean?

Simply put: Some men find it easier to use their income as a reason to be a leader in their household. In a time when African American women are attending college at a higher rate than their male counterparts, it is natural to see that women will be making more money today than they were 30 years ago. As men, we need to understand that HER having HER OWN is not only necessary but inevitable. The fact of the matter is that you've found a GOOD woman when she can can think for herself, care for herself, AND support herself.

So Gentlemen...if you take nothing from this post, take this...Chivalry is not dead, it just evolved. For centuries, we've always thought that Chivalry and Equality could not co-exist but chivalry seems to be more alive today than ever. People everywhere are reevaluating the things that are important in their lives, and they're rediscovering the virtues that the code of chivalry stands for — hope, kindness, respect, integrity and courage. They are discovering that they can still be inspired by a hero, and, best of all, they're realizing that when chivalry and equality stand side-by-side.

("She Got Her Own" Pt. 2 coming soon! Ladies...its your turn)